Our supervisor recently made a casual comment about my shaggy mane of hair. He then went on to extol the virtues of a good haircut, which, he insisted, makes an elderly man look younger and a younger man seem more mature.
"How would a haircut make a middle-aged man like me appear?" I asked.
"Still employed," he answered.
What's the difference between an insurance company actuary and a mafia actuary?
An insurance company actuary can tell you how many people will die this year.
A mafia actuary can name them.
Freddie was eighteen years old, friendly, and eager to do things right. Unfortunately, he wasn't especially bright. He had just started his first job, as a delivery boy and general "go-fer" at a furniture warehouse. His first task was to go out for coffee.
He walked into a nearby coffee shop carrying a large thermos. When the counterman finally noticed him, he held up the thermos. "Is this big enough to hold six cups of coffee?" he said.
The counterman looked at the thermos, hesitated for a few seconds, then finally said, "Yeah. It looks like about six cups to me."
"Good," Freddie said. "Give me two regular, two black, and two decaf."
The shop was offering jackets containing 50% wool, 50% polyester. and 50% cotton.
I asked the assistant, "How is that possible?"
She replied, "Sir, this is a jacket and a half!"