Category: Computer Jokes

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Ranking: 3.70 / 674
Computers are like air conditioners. They work fine until you start opening windows.
Thanks to: Kaity - Australia
rec.:Jan/8/2004    pub.:Jan/19/2004    sent:Mar/19/2015

Ranking: 3.27 / 812
Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote click'."
Thanks to: Dan S
rec.:Sep/30/2000    pub.:Sep/30/2000    sent:Jul/6/2013

Ranking: 3.59 / 410
LOG ON: Making a wood stove hotter.
LOG OFF: Don't add no more wood.
MONITOR: Keeping an eye on the wood stove.
DOWNLOAD: Gettin' the farwood off the truck
MEGA HERTZ: When yer not keerful gettin' the farwood
FLOPPY DISC: Whatcha git from tryin to carry too much farwood
RAM: That thing tha splits the farwood
HARD DRIVE: Gettin' home in the winter time
PROMPT: What the mail ain't in the winter time
WINDOWS: What to shut when it's cold outside
SCREEN: What to shut when it's black fly season
BYTE: What them dang flies do
CHIP: Munchies fer the TV
MICRO CHIP: What's in the bottom of the munchie bag
MODEM: Whatcha did to the hay fields
DOT MATRIX: Old Dan Matrix's wife
LAP TOP: Where the kitty sleeps
KEYBOARD: Where ya hang the dang truck keys
SOFTWARE: Them dang plastic forks and knives
MOUSE: What eats the grain in the barn
MOUSE PAD: That's hippie talk fer the mouse hole
MAIN FRAME: Holds up the barn roof
ENTER: Northerner talk fer "c'mon in, y'all"
RANDOM ACCESS MEMORY: When ya can't 'member what ya paid fer the rifle
Thanks to: Peter Prestipino - USA.
rec.:Nov/3/2000    pub.:Nov/3/2000    sent:Apr/14/2015

Ranking: 3.83 / 218
Computer Problem Report Form

1. Describe your problem:

2. Now, describe the problem accurately:

3. Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem:

4. Problem Severity:
A. Minor__
B. Minor__
C. Minor__
D. Trivial__

5. Nature of the problem:
A. Locked Up__
B. Frozen__
C. Hung__
D. Shot__

6. Is your computer plugged in?
Yes__ No__

7. Is it turned on?
Yes__ No__

8. Have you tried to fix it yourself?
Yes__ No__

9. Have you made it worse?

10. Have you read the manual?
Yes__ No__

11. Are you sure you've read the manual?
Yes__ No__

12. Are you absolutely certain you've read the manual?

13. Do you think you understood it?
Yes__ No__

14. If `Yes' then why can't you fix the problem yourself? __________________________________________

15. How tall are you? Are you above this line?

16. What were you doing with your computer at the time the problem occurred?

17. If "nothing" explain why you were logged in.

18. Are you sure you aren't imagining the problem?
Yes__ No__

19. How does this problem make you feel?

20. Tell me about your childhood.

21. Do you have any independent witnesses of the problem?
Yes__ No__

22. Can't you do something else, instead of bothering me?

Thank you for taking the time to fill out our Computer Problems Form. Please allow 1-week response time so that the problem will resolve its self or you will reboot your computer, most likely resolving the issue.
Thanks to: Brenda Ervin - Las Vegas - Nevada - USA.
rec.:Jun/2/2003    pub.:Jul/9/2003    sent:Sep/3/2014

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