Ranking: 2.55 / 97
A blonde walks into a store that makes curtains. She says to the clerk, "I would like curtains the size of my computer screen. The clerk says, "Why the size of you computer screen?" The woman replies, "Because I've got windows!"
Thanks to: Jenna Lackey - ALBQ - Mew Mexico - USA.
rec.:Oct/31/2003 pub.:Dec/10/2003 sent:Oct/13/2005
Ranking: 2.98 / 48
1. Home is where you hang your @.
2. The email of the species is more deadly than the mail.
3. A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.
4. You can't teach a new mouse old clicks.
5. Great groups from little icons grow.
6. Speak softly and carry a cellular phone.
7. In some places, C:\ is the root of all directories.
8. Oh, what a tangled Website we weave when first we practice.
9. Pentium wise, pen and paper foolish.
10. The modem is the message.
11. Too many clicks spoil the browse.
12. The geek shall inherit the earth.
13. Don't byte off more than you can view.
14. Fax is stranger than fiction.
15. What boots up must come down.
16. Windows will never cease.
17. Virtual reality is its own reward.
18. Modulation in all things.
19. Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day, teach him to use the Net and he won't bother you for weeks.
20. There's no place like your homepage.
Thanks to: Anonymous
rec.:Aug/9/2000 pub.:Aug/9/2000 sent:Aug/9/2000
Ranking: 2.70 / 70
An application was for employment; a program was a TV show; a cursor used profanity; a keyboard was a piano.
Memory was something you lost with age; a CD was a bank account; a hard drive was a long road trip.
A web was a spider's home, and a virus was the flu!
Thanks to: Simple Sentiments - Pembroke Pines - Florida - USA.
rec.:Jan/15/2000 pub.:Jan/15/2000 sent:Jan/15/2000
Ranking: 2.85 / 47
The 12-Step Program for Internet Addicts
1) I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my newspaper like I use to.
2) I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.
3) I will get dressed before noon.
4) I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash the dog, get the kids off to school, all before even thinking of the Internet.
5) I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Internet-deprived.
6) I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Internet.
7) I will read a book...if I still remember how.
8) I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear what is happening on the Web.
9) I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email.
10) I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not.
11) I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because I was too busy on my computer.
12) Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed some time....and the Internet will always be there tomorrow!
Thanks to: Gemma Piscotti - Chicago - IL - USA.
rec.:Feb/28/2000 pub.:Feb/28/2000 sent:Feb/28/2000