Category: Airplane Jokes



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Ranking: 3.35 / 338
Four people are in an airplane, the pilot, the smartest man in the world, the richest man in the world, and a punk teenager. The airplane experiences some difficulties, and the pilot informs the three passengers that the plane is going to crash, and there are only three parachutes on the plane. The richest man in the world takes one, because he says that his lawyers will sue everyone else on the plane if he doesn't survive. The smartest man in the world takes a parachute, because he thinks that the world would be a worse place without him. The pilot says to the punk "There's only one parachute left, I'll fight you for it." "That won't be necessary," said the punk, "The smartest man in the world took my backpack."
#12738    
Thanks to: Ryan Hoekstra - Cobourg - Ontario - Canada
rec.:Feb/5/2004    pub.:Feb/12/2004    sent:Apr/14/2013


Ranking: 3.28 / 282
While taxiing at London Gatwick, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale
made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground
controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you
going! I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there.
I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between 'C' and 'D', but get it right!" Continuing
her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?" "Yes ma'am," the humbled crew responded. Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out in Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"
#10641    
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:Aug/1/2003    pub.:Aug/1/2003    sent:Apr/4/2012


Ranking: 3.27 / 252
A man at the airline counter tells the rep. “I’d like this bag to go to Berlin, this one to California, and this one to London.
The rep says, “I’m sorry sir. We can’t do that.”
The man replied: Nonsense. That is what you did last time I flew with you.
#12791    
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:Feb/10/2004    pub.:Feb/10/2004    sent:Jun/8/2012


Ranking: 3.53 / 152
1. Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect
landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo
bounces us to the terminal."

2. After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant came
on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash
and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate.
And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open
the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."

3. Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like
to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you
get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized
metal tube, we hope you'll think of US Airways."
#10639    
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:Aug/1/2003    pub.:Aug/1/2003    sent:Jun/29/2012


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