Category: Elderly Jokes



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Ranking: 3.62 / 65
A woman is in the bar of a cruise ship and she asks the bartender for a scotch and two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink, she says, "It's my birthday today, and I'm on the cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday."
The bartender says, "Well, since it's your birthday I'll buy you a drink; in fact, I'll take care of this one for you."
As the women finishes her drink the woman to her right says, "I guess I should buy you a drink."
The old woman says, "All right. Bartender, I want a scotch and two drops of water."
"All right," says the bartender. As she finishes her drink, the man to her right says, "Since I'm the only one around you that hasn't bought you a drink, I guess I might as well buy you one."
The old woman says, "All right. Bartender I want a scotch and two drops of water."
"Coming right up," the bartender says. As he gives her the drink he says,
"Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the scotch and only two drops of water?"
The old woman replies, "Sonny, you learn that when you're my age, you can hold your liquor but you sure can't hold your water."
#168    
Thanks to: Dede Molter - USA.
rec.:Nov/2/1998    pub.:Nov/2/1998    sent:Nov/2/1998


Ranking: 2.95 / 165
“Doc!” the man yells. I’ve lost my memory!”
“Calm down, sir. When did this happen.”
The man looked at him. “When did what happen?”
#10328    
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:Jul/1/2003    pub.:Jul/1/2003    sent:Mar/28/2013


Ranking: 3.29 / 97
Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus through
Holland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them
through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was
used. She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were
grazing. 'These' she explained, 'Are the older goats put out to pasture
when they no longer produce.' She then asked, 'What do you do in
America with your old goats?' A spry old gentleman answered, 'They send
us on bus tours!
#20470    
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:Sep/18/2009    pub.:Sep/18/2009    sent:Dec/9/2012


Ranking: 3.15 / 117
"You know you are getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down there."
#5050    
Thanks to: Bill Nelson - Union - New Jersey - USA.
rec.:Jun/18/2002    pub.:Sep/7/2002    sent:Sep/12/2011


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