Ranking: 3.49 / 138
There once was an old man who was about to die. He told his wife to put a bag of money in the attic "When I die I'll get it on my way up." chuckled the old man. Well when the old man died the wife went up to the attic and found that the bag of money was still there. "I knew I should have put that money in the cellar!" said the old woman.
Thanks to: Angela quirion - Oakland - Maine - Vatican City State (Holy See)
rec.:Mar/24/2003 pub.:May/27/2003 sent:Oct/31/2014
Ranking: 3.17 / 191
My brother remembers the day when a police car pulled up to grandma's house and grandpa got out. The officer explained that this elderly gentlemen said he was lost in the park.
''Why, Bill,'' said Grandma, ''You've been going there for over 30 years! How could you get lost?''
Leaning close to Grandma so the police officer couldn't hear, he whispered, ''Wasn't exactly lost. I was just too tired to walk home.''
Thanks to: Walter Smith
rec.:Nov/6/1998 pub.:Nov/6/1998 sent:Apr/26/2002
Ranking: 4.24 / 49
A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says,
"Please come over here and help me.
I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."
Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The little silver haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."
Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,
"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."
He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh ............
"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."
Thanks to: Joe Bledsoe - Liberia - Costa Rica
rec.:Aug/28/2012 pub.:Jun/17/2013 sent:Aug/28/2013
Ranking: 3.87 / 68
An old couple is sitting in their living room when the old woman leans over and says to the old man, "Remember when we were younger and you used to hold my hand?" The old man grabs the old woman's hand. Then she says, "Remember when we were younger and you used to put your arm around me?" The old man puts his arm around the old woman. Then she says, "Remember when we were younger and you used to nibble on my ear?" To the old woman's surprise, the old man gets up off the couch and starts to walk away. "Honey, where are
you going?" she says. The old man replies, "I'm going to get my dentures."
Thanks to: Anonymous
rec.:Oct/9/2000 pub.:Oct/9/2000 sent:Oct/9/2000