Category: Idiots Jokes



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Ranking: 3.05 / 1009
There were two guys working for the city. One would dig a hole -- he would dig, dig, dig.
The other would come behind him and fill the hole -- fill, fill, fill. These two men worked furiously; one digging a hole, the other filling it up again.
A man was watching from the sidewalk and couldn't believe how hard these men were working, but couldn't understand what they were doing. Finally he had to ask them.
He said to the hole digger, "I appreciate how hard you work, but what are you doing? You dig a hole and your partner comes behind you and fills it up again!"
The hole digger replied, "Oh yeah, must look funny, but the guy who plants the trees is sick today."
#287    
Thanks to: Rafael Ortiz
rec.:Mar/31/1999    pub.:Mar/31/1999    sent:May/15/2013


Ranking: 3.55 / 209
Lunatics
Three lunatics approach their Asylum doctor with a request for a weekend pass to the local city. "That's impossible says the doctor. You're all nuts. You'll get lost and never come back." But, the lunatics wouldn't relent until finally, exasperated, the doctor says "OK! If you can answer a simple question I'll sign the pass." He turns to the first lunatic and says "What's three times three?" The lunatic starts counting on his fingers "3, 7, 19, 38?. Is it 128?" The doctor shakes his head and turns to the next lunatic: "What's three times three?" The lunatic immediately shouts "WEDNESDAY!" The doctor, beginning to get disgusted turns to the last lunatic: What's three times three?" The lunatic thinks for a moment and then asks for a pencil and a piece of paper. That provided, she writes for some time furiously, and finally looks up and says "Nine." The doctor is amazed, but true to his word he begins filling out the pass. As he's writing he says "This is incredible, you've always been thoroughly insane. How'd you do it?" The lunatic responds, "Oh, it was easy I divided 128 by Wednesday!"
#29    
Thanks to: John Holmes
rec.:Apr/2/1998    pub.:Apr/2/1998    sent:May/30/2012


Ranking: 3.18 / 373
Two buddies are fishing, but they havenít caught anything all day. Then, another fisherman walks by with a huge load of fish. They ask him "excuse me, but where did you get all those fish?"
The other fisherman replies,Ē If you just go down the stream until the water isn't salty, there are a ton of hungry fish."
They thank him and go on their way. 15 minutes later, one fisherman says to the other "fill the bucket up with water and see if the water is salty."
He dips the bucket in the stream and drinks some. "Nope. Still salty." 30 minutes later, he asks him to check again.
"Nope, still salty." One our later they check again. "Nope. Still salty."
"This isn't good," the fisherman finally says. "We have been walking for almost two hours and the water is still salty!"
"I know," says the other. "And the bucket is almost empty!"
#4230    
Thanks to: JJ H - USA.
rec.:Apr/23/2002    pub.:Jun/22/2002    sent:Nov/19/2014


Ranking: 2.94 / 572
Two guys were fishing down by the Ohio River on different sides of the riverbank at night. Guy number one was catching a whole bunch of fish for his family, but guy number two hadn't caught any and was frustrated and called out to guy number one "How come you've been catching all them there fish and I ain't caught a single one?"
Guy number one replied, " I donít know.... why donít ya come on over here?"
"I donít know.... I donít see a bridge, and their aint no boat, and I donít swim to well"
Guy number one picks up his flashlight, turns it on, and replies, " Why donít you walk across this here beam off light?"
Guy number two was outraged and replied "do you think am stupid? When I get half way you'll turn it off!!!"
#3719    
Thanks to: Carrie McAtee - Indiana - USA.
rec.:Mar/18/2002    pub.:Mar/24/2002    sent:Feb/28/2012


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