Ranking: 2.76 / 51
A woman owned a parrot that could say only one thing – “Who is it?” For years and years she had been trying to teach it to extend its vocabulary, but it resolutely refused to utter anything other than “Who is it?”
One day she had sent for the plumber, and as she had to go out shopping she arranged for him to find the key under the mat outside the front door. The plumber duly arrived, found the key, let himself in and set to work. Naturally the parrot, hearing someone in the house with an unfamiliar tread, decided to give a recital. “Who is it?” called the parrot. The plumber!” called the workman. Hearing a strange voice the parrot again decided to utter his one and only phrase. “Who is it?”
“The plumber!” came the response.
The parrot was not satisfied – he wanted to see who the stranger was. “Who is it? He called again, and again the plumber yelled out “It’s the plumber!” Again and again the bird called out “Who is it?” and again and again the poor bewildered plumber responded – “It’s the plumber! It’s the plumber! IT”S THE PLUMBER!” Eventually in a fury he roamed the house, going from room to room, trying to find out who was calling him – but he failed to realize that it was the parrot. This went on for a while, with him dashing around the house, growing increasingly desperate, and shouting out “It’s the plumber!” until eventually the wretched man fainted clean away in the hall!
Just at that moment the mistress of the house entered, saw the unconscious figure on the carper and said, “Oh! Who is it?”
The parrot replied, “It’s the plumber!”
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
Ranking: 2.71 / 55
Two piggies walk into a bar, get drunk and ask, "Where's the bathroom?" The bartender points to the door and they rush in.
Two more piggies walk into a bar. They soon get drunk and they ask, "Where's the bathroom?" The bartender points to the door and they rush in.
One piggy walks into a bar. He gets drunk out of his mind and then heads for the exit. "Hey, buddy! Do you want know where the bathroom is?" asks the bartender.
"No thanks," the piggy slurs, "I always go WEEWEEWEE all the way home!"
Thanks to: Rick Kennedy - Chicago - USA.
rec.:Feb/27/1999 pub.:Feb/27/1999 sent:Feb/27/1999
Ranking: 2.36 / 94
One day a chicken goes to a library and asked: “ book, book, book”.
The librarian gave the chicken 3 books and the chicken went on its way...
The next day the same chicken came into the library and said “book, book, book”
So the librarian gave the chicken 3 books again... but this time she became suspicious of where the chicken was taking the books... so the librarian decided follow the chicken.
After a while the chicken came to a swamp and stopped besides a frog ... the chicken gave the three books to the frog, and the frog replied: Read it! Read it! Read it!
Thanks to: Curtis - Canada
Ranking: 3.06 / 33
Three male dogs: a Pit Bull, a German Shepherd and a Chihuahua, sat at the end of a bar downing a few drinks when a beautiful lady Collie walked in and sat at the opposite end. She noticed that they were drooling over her and offered them a deal. "If any of you can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' in a sentence that I like, I'll let you buy me a drink."
The male dogs started punching each other, feeling quite sure of themselves. The Pit Bull blurts out, "I like liver and cheese."
"No! How base!" snarls the lady Collie.
Then the Shepherd speaks up, "Liver and cheese make good food."
The Collie turns her head and says, "Ha! No good!"
Finally, the little Chihuahua crawls up on the bar and speaks,
"Liver alone, cheese mine!" He got to buy the lady the drink.
Thanks to: Becky O'Banion
rec.:Dec/18/1999 pub.:Dec/18/1999 sent:Dec/18/1999