Category: Animal Jokes



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Ranking: 3.30 / 128
 A male frog goes to a psychic. The psychic tells him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you." 
The frog becomes excited, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party?" 
"No," says the psychic, "in her biology class." 
#583    
Thanks to: Simple Sentiments - Florida - USA.
rec.:Feb/12/2000    pub.:Feb/12/2000    sent:Mar/9/2012


Ranking: 3.50 / 96
Two guys are hiking in the forest when they suddenly come across a big Grizzly bear! The one guy takes off his hiking boots and puts on some running shoes!
His friend says to him "You're crazy! There's no use, do you know how fast Grizzlies are, you'll never be able to out run it!" and the guy says, "I only have to out run you!"
#14591    
Thanks to: Illian Ambrosio - Kitchener - Ontario - Canada
rec.:Jan/31/2005    pub.:Apr/1/2005    sent:Apr/8/2014


Ranking: 3.24 / 135
A businessman finds that his neighbor in the first class cabin of his flight is a parrot. They take off and the stewardess asks what they would like to drink.
"Glenlivet on the rocks with a twist," says the parrot.
The businessman orders a coke.
After waiting two or three minutes, the bird starts yelling, "Where's my drink?! Stop fooling around and give me my drink!"
The stewardess runs to him with his glass, leaving the businessman still thirsty.
Half an hour later the stewardess makes a second round.
The bird orders another Glenlivet and a Wall Street Journal. The businessman asks for another coke.
Again, after a couple of minutes, the bird screams, squawking, "You lazy idiot! Where is my drink?!" The poor woman nearly trips over herself getting the parrot his drink and the newspaper.
The businessman still has nothing, and after ten more minutes decides to take his cue from the bird. "Hey! Where's my coke! The service here stinks!"
Out of nowhere the purser, the captain and two passengers grab the businessman and the bird, open the hatch and throw them out of the plane.
At 30,000 feet in the air the two fall side by side and the parrot says to the terrified man, "Wow, that took a lot of guts for a guy with no wings."
#345    
Thanks to: Walter Smith
rec.:May/30/1999    pub.:May/30/1999    sent:Nov/5/2009


Ranking: 3.12 / 163
A man takes his dog to the vet. “My dog is crossed eyed, is there anything you can do for him? “Well,” says the vet, “let’s take a look at him.” So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, “I’m going to have to put him down.”
“What? Because he is cross-eyed?”
“No, because he’s really heavy.”
#12773    
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:Feb/9/2004    pub.:Feb/9/2004    sent:Dec/25/2013


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