Category: Judges Jokes



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Ranking: 3.26 / 109
The judge warned the witness, “Do you understand that you have sworn to tell the truth?” “I do.”
“Do you understand what will happen if you are not truthful?”
“Sure,” said the witness. “My side will win.”

#20828    
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:Jan/21/2010    pub.:Jan/21/2010    sent:Aug/16/2011


Ranking: 3.05 / 133
Before a burglary trial, the judge explained to the defendant, “You can let me try your case, or you can choose to have a jury of your peers.”
The man thought for a moment. “What are peers?” he asked.
“They’re people just like you – your equals.”
“Forget it,” retorted the defendant. “I don’t want to be tried by a bunch of thieves.”
#5413    
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:Jul/20/2002    pub.:Jul/20/2002    sent:Jan/10/2011


Ranking: 2.84 / 176
Judge: Haven’t I seen you before?
Man: Yes, Your Honor. I taught your daughter how to play the drums.
Judge: Twenty years!
#15876    
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:Oct/11/2005    pub.:Oct/11/2005    sent:Nov/7/2014


Ranking: 3.26 / 69
The judge was instructing the jury that a witness was not necessarily to be regarded as untruthful because he changed his statement from one which he had previously made to the police. “For example,” he said, “when I entered my chambers today, I was sure I had my gold watch in my pocket. But then I remembered that I left in on my nightstand in my bedroom.”
When the judge returned home, his wife asked him, “Why so much urgency for your watch? Isn’t sending three men to get it a bit extreme?” “What?” said the judge, “I didn’t send anyone for my watch, let alone three people; what did you do?”
“I gave it to the first one,” said the wife. “He knew exactly where it was.”
#21604    
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:Dec/7/2010    pub.:Dec/7/2010    sent:Aug/12/2011


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