Category: Judges Jokes

Mrs. Swanson declined to serve on the jury because she was not a believer in capital punishment and didn’t want her beliefs to get in the way of the trial. “But, Madam,” said the public defender, who had taken a liking to her kind face and calm demeanor, “this is not a murder trial. It is merely a civil lawsuit being brought by a wife against her husband. He gambled away the fifteen thousand dollars he’d promised to spend on a chinchilla coat for her birthday.” “Hmmm,” reflected Mrs. Swanson. “Okay, I’ll serve, I could be wrong about capital punishment.”

Heckling in the courtroom had constantly interrupted the trial, and the judge had had enough. “The next person who interrupts the proceeding will be thrown out of my court!” he said severely, at which the defendant yelled, “Hooray!”

Standing before the judge during an alimony hearing, the man said, “As God is my judge, I do not owe that madwoman money!”
The judge calmly replied, “He isn’t. I am. You do.”

The millionaire was arrested for speeding and brought before the judge in a small community. When the judge offered him the alternative of paying a $10 fine or serving ten days in jail the millionaire decided to take the ten days. “But, my good man, you are wealthy,” said the judge, amazement ringing his face. “Why you should prefer ten days in jail to paying a $10 fine is beyond me.” “It’s like this, Judge,” the man explained. “Our chef left and my wife figures it’ll take that long to find a new one.”