marriage jokes

A man is waiting in line for a hit movie. Behind him are two women. The usher comes along and says that he has two seats together.

Seeing the problem, the usher says to the man. "Let them go first. You wouldn't want to separate a woman from her mother, would you?"

The man says, "No, sir. I did that once, and I've been sorry ever since."

As Jenna waits in line at the grocery store, she can't help but overhear the conversation of the lady in front of her.

"Don't forget to say thank you, and to sit up straight, use your napkin, and please, for the love of God close your mouth when you chew!"

The lady happens to make eye contact with Jenna.

Jenna says, "Kids, huh?"

The lady rolls her eyes, shakes her head, and mouths the word, "Husband."

A teenage boy and his grandfather go fishing one day. While fishing, the old man starts talking about how times have changed. The young man picks up on this and starts talking about the various problems and diseases going around.

The teen says, "Grandpa, they didn't have a whole lot of problems with all these diseases when you were young did they?"

Grandpa replies, "Nope."

"Well, what did you guys use for safe sex?"

"A wedding ring."

A woman walks into a pharmacy one day and says to the pharmacist, “I’d like a poison that’ll kill my husband but make it look like he died of natural causes.”

The pharmacist says, “Ma’am, not only can I not do that for you, I’m going to have to call the police and report you.”

The woman removes something from her pocket and hands it to him. He looks at it and discovers that it’s a picture of her husband making love to the pharmacist’s wife.

The pharmacist says, “Oh, you should have told me you had a prescription.”