Ranking: 2.97 / 33
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
Thanks to: Bill S. - USA.
rec.:Jul/7/2000 pub.:Jul/7/2000 sent:Jul/7/2000
Ranking: 2.63 / 49
A man had just presented his wife with the fox coat she had been coaxing and cajoling him to by her for weeks. Now he was perplexed to see her examining it with a sad look.
“What’s the matter, sweetheart? Don’t you like the coat?” he asked.
“I love it,” she answered. “It’s just that I was feeling sorry for the poor little creature who was skinned alive so that I could have the pleasure of wearing this coat.”
“Why, thank you,” said the husband.
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
Ranking: 2.88 / 34
A man gets married and shortly afterwards his wife dies. A friend tries to console him and asks, "What happened to your wife?"
"She died of poison from eating mushrooms," said the husband.
This man gets married a second time, and not long after the marriage, this second wife dies. The same friend tries to console the grieving husband and asks, "What happened to your second wife?"
"She died of poison from eating mushrooms," was also the reply from the husband.
This man takes a third wife and, not very long after the marriage, the third wife dies.
The consoling friend asks, "What happened to your third wife? Was it mushroom poisoning?"
The grieving husband responds, "No, she died of a broken neck."
"A broken neck!" replies the friend.
"Yes," says the husband, "she wouldn't eat her mushrooms."
Thanks to: Jim
rec.:Oct/12/1998 pub.:Oct/12/1998 sent:Oct/12/1998
Ranking: 2.81 / 37
A woman was worried whether or not her dead husband made it to heaven, so she decided to try to contact his spirit by having a seance.
Sure enough, after the usual mumbo-jumbo of calling to the spirits, her husband's voice was heard answering, "Hello Margaret, this is meeee..."
"Fred," she answered. I just have to know if you're happy there in the afterlife. What's it like there?"
"Ooooooh, it's much more beautiful here than I ever imagined," Fred answered. "The sky is bluer, the air is cleaner, and the pastures are much more lush and green than I ever expected. And the only thing we do, all day long, are eat and sleep, eat and sleep, over and over."
"Thank God, you made it to heaven," his wife cried.
"Heaven?" he answered. "What heaven? I'm a buffalo in Montana."
Thanks to: Donna Stuckert - USA.
rec.:Jun/7/2000 pub.:Jun/7/2000 sent:Jun/7/2000