Category: Military Jokes

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Ranking: 3.65 / 147
During a simulated attack, the troops have to defend themselves against an imaginary enemy, as the sergeant calls it. Bawling out orders, he notices that one recruit shows little response. “You there,” the sergeant shouts, “the imaginary enemy is advancing, and your are caught in the crossfire. Action!” The recruit takes two steps to one side.
“What are you doing, man?” Yells the sergeant, purple with fury. “I’m taking shelter behind an imaginary tree, Sergeant,” answers the recruit calmly.
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:Feb/28/2006    pub.:Feb/28/2006    sent:Jun/10/2012

Ranking: 3.64 / 146
"Well," snarled the tough old sergeant to the bewildered
private. "I suppose after you get discharged from the Army,
you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and
spit on my grave."

"Not me, Serge!" the private replied. "Once I get out of
the Army, I'm never going to stand in line again!"
Thanks to: Jay - Houston - TX - USA.
rec.:Feb/28/2003    pub.:May/8/2003    sent:Aug/15/2012

Ranking: 3.50 / 155
One reason the Military Services have trouble operating jointly is that they don't speak the same language. For example, if you told Navy personnel to "secure a building," they would turn off the lights and lock the doors. The Army would occupy the building so no one could enter. Marines would assault the building, capture it, and defend it with suppressive fire and close combat. The Air Force, on the other hand, would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy.
Thanks to: Anonymous
rec.:Apr/21/2000    pub.:Apr/21/2000    sent:Nov/17/2012

Ranking: 3.54 / 140
The drill sergeant making his morning announcements to a group of newcomers in a training camp, stated: "Today, gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. First, the good news Private Peters will be setting the pace on our morning run.”

With this the platoon was overjoyed, as Private Peters was overweight and terribly slow. But then the drill sergeant finished his statement: "Now for the bad news. Private Peters will be driving a truck."
Thanks to: The Sunders from Down Under - Australia
rec.:May/25/2003    pub.:Jun/30/2003    sent:Jun/30/2012

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