military jokes

After enlisting in the 82nd Airborne Division, I eagerly asked my recruiter what I could expect from jump training.

"Well," he said, "it's three weeks long."

"What else?" I asked.

"The first week they separate the men from the boys," he said. "The second week, they separate the men from the fools."

"And the third week?" I asked.

"The third week, the fools jump."

One of our projects at military leadership school called for us to speak in front of the class on a topic picked by our instructor.

A classmate gave an impassioned speech on the benefits of drinking liquor. Alcohol, he insisted, warded off colds, kept you alert, and even made you steadier on your feet.

"Good job," said our instructor when he finished. "Only one thing: Your topic was the benefits of drinking liquids, not liquor."

When our son Jimmy went to Navy boot camp, we waited impatiently for word from him.

Finally we received a post card telling us he was doing well and we shouldn't worry. It went on to say that he was being kept busy acclimating to a military lifestyle and that he would send a detailed letter in a couple of weeks.

After reading his card a second time, however, we noticed that Jimmy had faintly underlined letters throughout the note.

When the letters were combined, his hidden message read, "Help me!"