Category: Miscellaneous Jokes

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Ranking: 3.76 / 75
A man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You are beautiful.” Then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that, so she stayed by his side. A few minutes later, his eyes fluttered open and he said, “You are cute!” The wife was disappointed because instead of “beautiful,” it was now “cute.” She said, “What happened to ‘beautiful’?”
Her husband replied, “The drugs are wearing off!”
#21081    
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:Apr/27/2010    pub.:Apr/27/2010    sent:Apr/20/2014


Ranking: 3.34 / 128
A Texan is visiting Australia for the first time; He sees a sheep and starts laughing; he says to his Australian guide " oh, at home in Texas, sheep are twice as big!" He then sees a cow ands bursts " Puff, in Texas, our cows are much, much bigger!" And suddenly, he sees a kangaroo and asks, "What's that?" the guide answers " oh, that's just a grasshopper...”
#11509    
Thanks to: ledonon - Rieumes - France
rec.:Oct/29/2003    pub.:Dec/10/2003    sent:Jun/23/2009


Ranking: 4.04 / 55
A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the engine of a Harley Davidson motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop. The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey, Doc, can I ask you a question?" The surgeon a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, fix 'em, put 'em back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"

The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic... "Try doing it with the engine running"
#23044    
Thanks to: Bob C - Spring City - Tennessee - USA.
rec.:Aug/24/2012    pub.:Jun/17/2013    sent:Sep/23/2013


Ranking: 3.46 / 106
Tom was invited to his friend’s house for dinner. He found that his buddy called his wife every cute name in the book: honey, darling, sweetheart, pumpkin, and baby.
When she was in the kitchen, he leaned over to his friend and said, “I think it’s nice you still call your wife all those pet names.” “To tell you the truth,” his friend said, “I forgot her name abut three years ago.”

#18691    
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:Dec/23/2007    pub.:Dec/23/2007    sent:Aug/20/2014


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