Ranking: 3.57 / 90
Bob stood over his tee sot for what seemed an eternity. He waggled, looked up, looked down, waggled again, but didn't start his back swing. Finally his exasperated partner asked, "what the hell is taking so long?" "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse," Bob explained. "I want to make a perfect shot." "Good lord!" his companion exclaimed. "You don't have a snowball's chance in hell of hitting her from here."
Thanks to: Don Oberholz
rec.:Jan/1/2001 pub.:Jan/1/2001 sent:Jan/29/2013
Ranking: 3.28 / 128
My Dear Sirs;
In reply to your request to send a check, I wish to inform you that the present condition of my bank account makes it almost impossible. My shattered financial condition is due to federal laws, state laws, county laws, city laws, corporation laws, liquor laws, mother-in-laws, brother-in-laws, sister-in-laws, outlaws, and blue laws.
Through these laws I am compelled to pay a business tax, amusement tax, head tax, school tax, gas tax, light tax, sales tax, liquor tax, carpet tax, income tax, food tax, furniture tax, and excise tax, even my brains are taxed.
I am required to get a business license, car license, hunting and fishing license, truck license, not to mention a marriage license, and a dog license.
I am also required to contribute to every society and organization which the genius of man is capable to bringing to life. To the women’s relief, unemployed relief, and gold diggers relief; also to every hospital and charitable institution in the city including the black cross, the blue cross, the purple cross, and the double cross.
For my own safety I am required to carry a life insurance, property insurance, liability insurance, burglar insurance, accident insurance, business insurance, earthquake insurance, tornado insurance, unemployment insurance, old age and fire insurance.
My business is so governed that it is no easy matter for me to find out who owns it. I am inspected, suspected, disrespected, rejected, dejected, examined, informed, required, summoned, commanded, and compelled, until I’ve provided an in-exhaustible supply of money for every known need of the human race.
Simply because I refuse to donate to something-or other I am boycotted, talked about, lied about, held up, held down, and robbed until I am almost ruined. I can tell you honestly that except for the miracle that happened I could not enclose this check. The wolf that comes to many doors these days just had pups in my kitchen. I sold them and … here is your money!
Thanks to: Wayne Sporman - Summerville - South Carolina - USA.
rec.:Apr/5/2003 pub.:May/27/2003 sent:Mar/24/2011
Ranking: 3.81 / 64
To tag birds migrating, the U.S. Department of the Interior used metal bands that bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey, abbreviated:
Wash. Biol. Surv.
Until the agency received the following letter from a camper:
While camping last week I shot one of your birds. I think it was a crow. I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag and I want to tell you it was horrible.
Thanks to: Simple Sentiments - Pembroke Pines - Florida - USA.
rec.:Jan/16/2000 pub.:Jan/16/2000 sent:Jan/16/2000
Ranking: 3.56 / 85
A man takes his place in the theater, but his seat is too far from the stage.
He whispers to the usher, "This is a mystery, and I have to watch a mystery close up. Get me a better seat, and I'll give you a handsome tip."
The usher moves him into the second row, and the man hands the usher a quarter.
The usher looks at the quarter, leans over and whispers, "The wife did it."
Thanks to: SimpleSentiments.com - Pembroke - Pines Florida - USA.
rec.:Apr/19/2000 pub.:Apr/19/2000 sent:Mar/2/2014