Category: Miscellaneous Jokes



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Ranking: 4.04 / 53
A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the engine of a Harley Davidson motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop. The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey, Doc, can I ask you a question?" The surgeon a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, fix 'em, put 'em back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"

The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic... "Try doing it with the engine running"
#23044    
Thanks to: Bob C - Spring City - Tennessee - USA.
rec.:Aug/24/2012    pub.:Jun/17/2013    sent:Sep/23/2013


Ranking: 3.27 / 128
The old man had died. A wonderful funeral was in progress and the town’s preacher talked at length of the good traits of the deceased, what an honest man he was, and what a loving husband and kind father he was. Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of her children, “Go up there and take a look in the coffin and see if that’s your pa.”
#21937    
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:Apr/26/2011    pub.:Apr/26/2011    sent:May/14/2011


Ranking: 3.27 / 127
My Dear Sirs;

In reply to your request to send a check, I wish to inform you that the present condition of my bank account makes it almost impossible. My shattered financial condition is due to federal laws, state laws, county laws, city laws, corporation laws, liquor laws, mother-in-laws, brother-in-laws, sister-in-laws, outlaws, and blue laws.

Through these laws I am compelled to pay a business tax, amusement tax, head tax, school tax, gas tax, light tax, sales tax, liquor tax, carpet tax, income tax, food tax, furniture tax, and excise tax, even my brains are taxed.

I am required to get a business license, car license, hunting and fishing license, truck license, not to mention a marriage license, and a dog license.

I am also required to contribute to every society and organization which the genius of man is capable to bringing to life. To the women’s relief, unemployed relief, and gold diggers relief; also to every hospital and charitable institution in the city including the black cross, the blue cross, the purple cross, and the double cross.

For my own safety I am required to carry a life insurance, property insurance, liability insurance, burglar insurance, accident insurance, business insurance, earthquake insurance, tornado insurance, unemployment insurance, old age and fire insurance.

My business is so governed that it is no easy matter for me to find out who owns it. I am inspected, suspected, disrespected, rejected, dejected, examined, informed, required, summoned, commanded, and compelled, until I’ve provided an in-exhaustible supply of money for every known need of the human race.

Simply because I refuse to donate to something-or other I am boycotted, talked about, lied about, held up, held down, and robbed until I am almost ruined. I can tell you honestly that except for the miracle that happened I could not enclose this check. The wolf that comes to many doors these days just had pups in my kitchen. I sold them and … here is your money!
#8858    
Thanks to: Wayne Sporman - Summerville - South Carolina - USA.
rec.:Apr/5/2003    pub.:May/27/2003    sent:Mar/24/2011


Ranking: 3.79 / 63
To tag birds migrating, the U.S. Department of the Interior used metal bands that bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey, abbreviated: 
Wash. Biol. Surv. 
Until the agency received the following letter from a camper: 
Dear Sirs, 
While camping last week I shot one of your birds. I think it was a crow. I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag and I want to tell you it was horrible. 
#556    
Thanks to: Simple Sentiments - Pembroke Pines - Florida - USA.
rec.:Jan/16/2000    pub.:Jan/16/2000    sent:Jan/16/2000


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