Category: Miscellaneous Jokes



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Ranking: 3.74 / 68
A man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You are beautiful.” Then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that, so she stayed by his side. A few minutes later, his eyes fluttered open and he said, “You are cute!” The wife was disappointed because instead of “beautiful,” it was now “cute.” She said, “What happened to ‘beautiful’?”
Her husband replied, “The drugs are wearing off!”
#21081    
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:Apr/27/2010    pub.:Apr/27/2010    sent:Apr/20/2014


Ranking: 3.79 / 63
To tag birds migrating, the U.S. Department of the Interior used metal bands that bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey, abbreviated: 
Wash. Biol. Surv. 
Until the agency received the following letter from a camper: 
Dear Sirs, 
While camping last week I shot one of your birds. I think it was a crow. I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag and I want to tell you it was horrible. 
#556    
Thanks to: Simple Sentiments - Pembroke Pines - Florida - USA.
rec.:Jan/16/2000    pub.:Jan/16/2000    sent:Jan/16/2000


Ranking: 3.55 / 83
A man takes his place in the theater, but his seat is too far from the stage. 
He whispers to the usher, "This is a mystery, and I have to watch a mystery close up. Get me a better seat, and I'll give you a handsome tip." 
The usher moves him into the second row, and the man hands the usher a quarter. 
The usher looks at the quarter, leans over and whispers, "The wife did it."
#643    
Thanks to: SimpleSentiments.com - Pembroke - Pines Florida  - USA.
rec.:Apr/19/2000    pub.:Apr/19/2000    sent:Mar/2/2014


Ranking: 3.65 / 72
A guy gets into a taxi after a boozy night out and halfway through the journey wants to stop and buy cigarettes. He taps the driver on the shoulder and suddenly the driver screams, swerves across the road and mounts the sidewalk stopping just short of a brick wall.
All was quiet for a few moments and then the driver turns around and says "Don't EVER tap me on the shoulder whilst I'm driving EVER again". The guy says, "I'm sorry, I didn't know it would scare you so much"
The driver replies, "It wouldn't normally but this is my first night as a taxi driver and up until yesterday, for twenty five years, I was driving a Hearse.
#15474    
Thanks to: Nitesh Shah - London - United Kingdom
rec.:Jul/5/2005    pub.:Jul/18/2005    sent:Sep/7/2005


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