Category: Miscellaneous Jokes

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Ranking: 3.08 / 129
A man takes his place in the theater, but his seat is too far from the stage.
He whispers to the usher, "This is a mystery, and I have to watch a mystery close up. Get me a better seat, and I'll give you a handsome tip."
The usher moves him into the second row, and the man hands the usher a quarter.
The usher looks at the quarter, leans over and whispers, "The wife did it."
Thanks to: Minie me - Sunyy coast - QLD - Australia
rec.:Dec/9/2004    pub.:Dec/15/2004    sent:Aug/3/2015

Ranking: 2.85 / 176

A young man tutored his sweetheart maths,
he thought of it as his mission,
he kissed her once then once again and said
"There, that's addition!"
She took it upon herself to return the pleasant action,
she kissed once and once again,
smiled and said "and that's subtraction!"
Now she'd learned the basics without too much complication,
they kissed each other once, then twice,
and said "that must be multiplication!"
Meanwhile the young lady's father
had this 'lesson' in his vision,
he kicked that boy ten foot out the door and said
"Then that is long division!"
Thanks to: Lee Elvin - London - United Kingdom
rec.:Sep/3/2003    pub.:Sep/12/2003    sent:Dec/25/2014

Ranking: 2.96 / 129
Dave went to his local lotto center to check his ticket. When the clerk checked his ticket Dave was told that he had won 5 million dollars. Dave went right home. When he saw his wife he said, I just won the lottery and I am going now to collect my winnings. I want you to be packed before I get back. His wife very excitedly ask, "What should I pack, warm or cold weather clothes? Dave looked at her and said "I don’t care as long as your are gone when I get home."
Thanks to: aubern
rec.:Jun/6/2001    pub.:Jun/6/2001    sent:Oct/21/2013

Ranking: 3.16 / 82
The Lone Ranger and Tonto were riding across the desert when a line of mounted Indians appeared to the right of them. They looked to the left and saw another line of mounted Indians. Behind them they saw another line of mounted Indians.
The Lone Ranger said, "Looks like we're in trouble, Tonto."
Tonto replied, "What do you mean WE, white man?"
Thanks to: Harry Kuhles - Montgomery - TX - USA.
rec.:Aug/4/2009    pub.:Sep/11/2009    sent:Dec/2/2009

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