Category: Bar & Drinking Jokes

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Ranking: 3.36 / 95
A guy comes in to a bar and orders a double whiskey. He drinks it and looks in his pocket. Then he orders another one, drinks it and looks in his pocket again.
This is repeated a dozen times before the bartender asks him what he is doing.
He replies, "In my pocket I have a picture of my wife. When she gets good looking, I quit drinking..."
#304    
Thanks to: Mikael Skjodt Sorensen Jol & Pangel A/S - Jæsle - Denmark
rec.:Apr/19/1999    pub.:Apr/19/1999    sent:Nov/8/2009


Ranking: 3.10 / 135
Three vampires walk into a bar. The bartender looks at him suspiciously, but decides to serve them anyway. "What’ll be, boys?"
The first vampire says "Blood. Give me blood."
The second vampire says "I too wish for blood!"
The third vampire says "Give me plasma."
The Bartender smiles and says "Got it. Two bloods, and a blood-light."
#20603    
Thanks to: Rae Zacmann - Melbourne - Florida - USA.
rec.:Nov/18/2009    pub.:Dec/2/2009    sent:Nov/1/2013


Ranking: 3.18 / 118
A man goes into a pub, takes a seat at the bar, and orders five shots. The bartender gives him an odd look since he’s all by himself, but he serves up the five shots and lines them up on the bar. The man downs them all quickly. He finishes the last one and calls out, "Four shots, please!" The bartender serves up four shots and lines them on the bar. The man downs them all. Then he belches loudly, sways slightly on the stool, and orders three. And one after the other, he knocks them back. "Two shots!" he calls, and the bartender places two shots in front of him. Down they go. As the man slams the last one down on the bar, he says, "One shot bartender." So the bartender fills the glass. The man sits there, staring at it for a moment, trying to focus. Then he looks at the barman and says, "You know, it's a funny thing, but the less I drink, the drunker I get."
#218    
Thanks to: Mayor Daley
rec.:Jan/2/1999    pub.:Jan/2/1999    sent:Nov/4/2013


Ranking: 3.68 / 60
A guy was meeting a friend in a bar, and as he walked in he noticed two pretty girls looking at him. He heard one girl say to the other; “Nine.” Feeling pleased with himself, he swaggered over to his buddy at the bar and told him that the girl in the corner had just rated him a nine out of ten. “Sorry to spoil your evening,” said his friend, “but when I walked in they were speaking German”
#23680    
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:Sep/27/2013    pub.:Sep/27/2013    sent:Feb/12/2014


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