Ranking: 2.62 / 60
A bear walked into a bar, slapped a $50.00 bill on the bar and ordered a beer. The bartender looked at the $50 bill, then at the bear and said; "I'll be back in a minute." He went to his manager and stated what had just occurred. The manager told him to go back to the bar, give the bear a beer, $.50 change and strike up a conversation.
The bartender drew a beer, placed it on the bar, took the $50 bill, tossed fifty cents on the bar and said; "You know we don't get many bears in here". The bear looked at the 50 cents, then at the beer, then said to the bartender; "$49.50 for a beer I can see why!"
Thanks to: mike morris - weatherford - texas - USA.
rec.:Oct/6/2005 pub.:Dec/22/2005 sent:May/27/2006
Ranking: 2.68 / 53
Two vampires walked into a bar and called for the bartender.
"I'll have a glass of blood," said one.
"I'll have a glass of plasma," said the other.
"Okay," replied the bartender, "that'll be one blood and one blood-lite."
Thanks to: Mark O.
rec.:Mar/9/1999 pub.:Mar/9/1999 sent:Mar/9/1999
Ranking: 2.52 / 63
One man to his friend, what an automated society we live in.
Have you ever noticed that when a traffic light turns green, it automatically
activates the horn of the car behind you?”
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:May/15/2006 pub.:May/15/2006 sent:Apr/9/2009
Ranking: 2.63 / 52
A man walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me two shots. One for me and one for my best buddy."
Bartender says, "You want them both now or do you want me to wait until your buddy arrives to pour his?"
The guy says, "Oh, I want them both now. I've got my best buddy in my pocket here." He then pulls a little three-inch man out of his pocket.
The bartender asks, "You mean to say, he can drink that much?"
"Oh, sure. He can drink it all and then some," the man retorted.
So, the bartender pours the two shots and sure enough, the little guy drinks it all up.
"That's amazing!" says the bartender. "What else can he do? Can he walk?"
The man flicks a quarter down to the end of the bar and says, "Hey, Rodney, go fetch that quarter." The little guy runs down to the end of the bar, picks up the quarter and runs back down and gives it to the man.
The bartender is in total shock. "That's amazing!" he says. "What else can he do? Does he talk?"
The man looks up at the bartender with a look of surprise in his eye and says, "Talk? Sure he talks. Hey, Rodney, tell him about that time we were in down in Africa on safari, hunting, and you called that native witch doctor a jerk!"
Thanks to: Rick Kennedy - Chicago - USA.
rec.:Feb/12/1999 pub.:Feb/12/1999 sent:Feb/12/1999