Two drunks are sitting elbow to elbow at a bar. “I wish I knew where I was going to die,” Paul says.
“Why?” asks Tom
“Because if I knew I would not go there “Paul replied.
Anonymous - USA.
rec.:Aug/12/2010 pub.:Aug/12/2010 sent:Jan/1/2011
2.24 / 98
A Skeleton walks into a bar and says,
“Give me a beer and give me a mop.”
Anonymous - USA.
rec.:Oct/29/2003 pub.:Oct/29/2003 sent:Dec/7/2003
2.60 / 52
A giraffe walks into a bar and the bartender asks, “Do you want a longneck?"
The giraffe replied, “Do I have a choice?"
Jim - USA.
2.15 / 115
Two drunks, Santa and Banta, enter a hotel late at night. They approach the clerk, and Santa says, "Could you pleash give ush a bed with two rooms?"
"You mean a room with two beds?" asks the clerk.
"Whatever, whatever you shay."
So they get a key and somehow manage to stumble upstairs to their room. After fumbling for ten minutes, they even manage to get their door open. As they stumble inside, the door closes behind them and they are in total darkness. They go forward slowly, and both fall on the bed closest to the door.
"Ahh," says Santa, "Now we can get some sleep at last."
As they try to rearrange themselves, they suddenly realize that they are not alone in their bed. "Hey! There's somebody in my bed!" says Banta.
"There's somebody in my bed too!" says Santa.
"Let's get rid of them. We paid for this room and we're going to sleep in the beds!" says Banta.
They start a tremendous struggle. They heave and push until eventually Santa throws Banta on the floor.
“ALL RIGHT!!" Santa shouts, "I've thrown mine off the bed."
"You're lucky," says Banta, "I got thrown off and I'm too tired to fight any more."
"Well, never mind," says Santa, "Why don't you just come and share my bed. Let's get some sleep round here."
Mudit - Gorakhpur - Uttar Pradesh - India
rec.:Dec/6/2005 pub.:Jan/6/2006 sent:Mar/25/2009