Category: Bar & Drinking Jokes

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Ranking: 2.66 / 50
A set of jumper cables goes into a bar. The bartender sees them and asks, "Hey, what are you doing in here?" "Just want to have a drink and relax awhile," was the reply. "Well, all right. Just don't start anything!"
Thanks to: Angel  
rec.:Jun/22/1998    pub.:Jun/22/1998    sent:Jun/22/1998

Ranking: 2.52 / 61
Dr. Burns was disgusted when Frank staggered into his office thoroughly inebriated.
He looked at him severely. “What happened, Frank? I thought we were going to lick this problem by cutting you down to just two drinks a day.” Frank dragged a finger across his chest. “Cross my heart, doc, I—I did as you asked.”
“Impossible. If you had, you wouldn’t be in this shape.”
“No, honestly!” Frank replied. “In fact, when I left here the other day. I went to another doctor for a second opinion – and he prescribed the same thing!”
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:Aug/5/2003    pub.:Aug/5/2003    sent:Aug/27/2003

Ranking: 2.36 / 81
An inebriated man and his drunken friend were sitting at a bar.
“Do you know what time it is?” Asked the drunk.
“Sure,” said the man
“Thanks,” said the drunk.
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:Aug/11/2008    pub.:Aug/11/2008    sent:Nov/28/2009

Ranking: 2.15 / 115
Two drunks, Santa and Banta, enter a hotel late at night. They approach the clerk, and Santa says, "Could you pleash give ush a bed with two rooms?"
"You mean a room with two beds?" asks the clerk.
"Whatever, whatever you shay."
So they get a key and somehow manage to stumble upstairs to their room. After fumbling for ten minutes, they even manage to get their door open. As they stumble inside, the door closes behind them and they are in total darkness. They go forward slowly, and both fall on the bed closest to the door.
"Ahh," says Santa, "Now we can get some sleep at last."
As they try to rearrange themselves, they suddenly realize that they are not alone in their bed. "Hey! There's somebody in my bed!" says Banta.
"There's somebody in my bed too!" says Santa.
"Let's get rid of them. We paid for this room and we're going to sleep in the beds!" says Banta.
They start a tremendous struggle. They heave and push until eventually Santa throws Banta on the floor.
“ALL RIGHT!!" Santa shouts, "I've thrown mine off the bed."
"You're lucky," says Banta, "I got thrown off and I'm too tired to fight any more."
"Well, never mind," says Santa, "Why don't you just come and share my bed. Let's get some sleep round here."
Thanks to: Mudit - Gorakhpur - Uttar Pradesh - India
rec.:Dec/6/2005    pub.:Jan/6/2006    sent:Mar/25/2009

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