Category: Bar & Drinking Jokes

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Ranking: 2.61 / 49
A set of jumper cables goes into a bar. The bartender sees them and asks, "Hey, what are you doing in here?" "Just want to have a drink and relax awhile," was the reply. "Well, all right. Just don't start anything!"
Thanks to: Angel  
rec.:Jun/22/1998    pub.:Jun/22/1998    sent:Jun/22/1998

Ranking: 2.12 / 114
Two drunks, Santa and Banta, enter a hotel late at night. They approach the clerk, and Santa says, "Could you pleash give ush a bed with two rooms?"
"You mean a room with two beds?" asks the clerk.
"Whatever, whatever you shay."
So they get a key and somehow manage to stumble upstairs to their room. After fumbling for ten minutes, they even manage to get their door open. As they stumble inside, the door closes behind them and they are in total darkness. They go forward slowly, and both fall on the bed closest to the door.
"Ahh," says Santa, "Now we can get some sleep at last."
As they try to rearrange themselves, they suddenly realize that they are not alone in their bed. "Hey! There's somebody in my bed!" says Banta.
"There's somebody in my bed too!" says Santa.
"Let's get rid of them. We paid for this room and we're going to sleep in the beds!" says Banta.
They start a tremendous struggle. They heave and push until eventually Santa throws Banta on the floor.
“ALL RIGHT!!" Santa shouts, "I've thrown mine off the bed."
"You're lucky," says Banta, "I got thrown off and I'm too tired to fight any more."
"Well, never mind," says Santa, "Why don't you just come and share my bed. Let's get some sleep round here."
Thanks to: Mudit - Gorakhpur - Uttar Pradesh - India
rec.:Dec/6/2005    pub.:Jan/6/2006    sent:Mar/25/2009

Ranking: 2.55 / 51
A giraffe walks into a bar and the bartender asks, “Do you want a longneck?"
The giraffe replied, “Do I have a choice?"
Thanks to: Jim - USA.
rec.:Feb/16/2003    pub.:May/8/2003

Ranking: 2.22 / 91
There were two strangers sitting in a bar, one says to the other. "Psst, wanna see somethin'?" The other man shrugged and agreed. The first man pointed to an object covered by a cloth. "Look under that cloth but DO NOT take it off. So the man walks over to the object that is quite large and peeks under it. However, when he saw what was under it he screamed and accidentally pulled the cloth off. It was a one eyed purple monster! The man was so scared he took off in his car. The monster was hot on his trail. He drove to the airport and on the plane he felt safe but he looked into the ocean and the monster was swimming after him to Africa! When he got there he ran off the plane without his luggage. He couldn't run anymore and the monster was coming closer. He could feel it's hot breath. He stopped and the monsters big hand reached down. The man knew this was his last day when he heard in a growling voice as an impact hit him, YOUR IT! And the monster ran away. 
Thanks to: Jennie the best
rec.:Jul/23/2001    pub.:Jul/23/2001    sent:Jul/23/2001

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