Category: Quotes Jokes



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Ranking: 2.74 / 27
God grant me the Senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference...
#357    
Thanks to: FeeFee the bartender
rec.:Jun/14/1999    pub.:Jun/14/1999    sent:Jun/14/1999


Ranking: 2.37 / 43
An ardent preacher used to start the day only after reading the first verse he read from the cut open Bible and used it as God's daily message to him. One day as usual he cut opened the bible and read the verse “he went and hanged himself’” not fair, he told himself and cut opened the bible and read another verse, “you go and do the same.”
#12362    
Thanks to: varghese moolan - Cochin - Kerala - India
rec.:Dec/24/2003    pub.:Jan/19/2004    sent:Mar/14/2004


Ranking: 2.90 / 21
It's time for all bad spellers to untie.
I yell because i care.
Is it true that cannibals won't eat a clown because they're afraid they will
Taste funny?
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
Pets welcome: children must be on leash.
He who laughs last, has the best lawyer.
Actually i am a rocket scientist.
I've been dieting for 31 days and all i lost was 31 days.
Warning: i have an attitude and i know how to use it.
Take me drunk i'm home again
Don't do what i say do what i mean
At the feast of ego, everyone leaves hungry.
I'm looking for the upper taker not the undertaker.
General custer wore arrow shirts.
The word verb is actually a noun.
It's not whether you win or lose, what counts is if i win or lose
#482    
Thanks to: DELL FULTON
rec.:Oct/27/1999    pub.:Oct/27/1999    sent:Oct/27/1999


Ranking: 2.62 / 26
1. Your potted plants stay alive. 
2. You keep more food than beer in the fridge. 
3. 6:00 A.M. is when you get up, not when you go to sleep. 
4. You hear your favorite song on an elevator. 
5. You carry an umbrella. You watch the Weather Channel.
6. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hookup and breakup. 
7. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7.
8. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as 'dressed up'. 
9. You're the one calling the police because those darn kids next door don't know how to turn down the stereo.
10. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up. 
11. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt. 
12. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 p.m.
13. Dinner and a movie = The whole date instead of the beginning of one.
14. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again." 
15. Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work. 
#608    
Thanks to: Ken - Jacksonville - Florida - USA.
rec.:Mar/10/2000    pub.:Mar/10/2000    sent:Mar/10/2000


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