Category: Work Jokes

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Ranking: 3.64 / 72
Notice to Employees (Includes Temporary and Part Time Staff)

SICKNESS
We will no longer accept your doctors' notes as proof.
We believe if you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to work.

LEAVE OF ABSENCE FOR SURGERY
We are no longer allowing this practice. As long as you are employed here, you will need all of whatever you have and should not consider having anything removed. We hired you as you are, and to have anything removed would certainly make you less than we bargained for. Anyone having any type of surgery will be FIRED immediately.

PREGNANCY
In the event of extreme pregnancy, you will be allowed to go to the first aid room when the pains are FIVE MINUTES apart. If it is false labor, you will have to take an hour's leave without pay.

DEATH
This will be accepted as an excuse, BUT we would like two weeks notice, as we feel it is your duty to teach someone your job prior to . . . or after death.

This new benefit program goes into effect immediately.

The Management
#17955    
Thanks to: Rob Blackmore - Oxford - United Kingdom
rec.:Apr/26/2007    pub.:Apr/30/2007    sent:Mar/30/2008


Ranking: 3.00 / 178
The factory foreman inspected the shipment of crystal vases leaving the plant, and approached his new packer. He put his arm around the man’s shoulder and said,
“Well, Ole, I see you did what I asked. Stamped the top of each box, ‘This Side Up,
Handle With Care.’”
“Yes sir,” the worker replied. “And just to make sure, I stamped it on the bottom too.”
#10723    
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:Aug/7/2003    pub.:Aug/7/2003    sent:Dec/22/2014


Ranking: 3.29 / 111
Boss: You should have been here at 9.30 a.m.
Employee: Why what happened?
#14686    
Thanks to: hassan - colombo - Sri Lanka
rec.:Feb/19/2005    pub.:Apr/1/2005    sent:May/8/2014


Ranking: 2.92 / 191
Three visitors to London climb up the tower that houses Big Ben and decide to have a contest. They're going to throw their watches off the top, run down the stairs and try to catch the watches before they hit the ground.

The first tourist throws his watch, takes three steps and hears his watch crash. The second throws his watch and takes only two steps when he hears his watch shatter.

The third tosses his watch off the tower, jogs down the stairs, goes to a candy store, buys a snack, walks back to Big Ben and catches his watch. "How did you do that?" asks one of his friends.

"My watch is 30 minutes slow."
#4656    
Thanks to: matt friedman - NASHVILL - tn - USA.
rec.:May/19/2002    pub.:Jul/28/2002    sent:Aug/13/2015


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