An organ grinder and a monkey enter a tavern and take a couple seats at the bar.
"Give me a shot of whiskey!" said the organ grinder to the bartender.
"I'll have the same," said the monkey.
The bartender looks in astonishment as he pours the drinks.
"What's the special here?" the organ grinder asks.
"Yeah," the monkey chimes in. "We're starving."
"O.K.," says the bartender. "What's going on here? You're a monkey. You can't talk!"
"I sure can! Not only can I talk, but I'm also a ventriloquist!"
A guy meets an attractive woman at a bar. After a few drinks he invites her over to his place. She answers by saying it depends on what they'll be riding in on the way over there.
He says, "I’ll give you a few hints. The chauffeur drives, the vehicle costs over $300 thousand dollars, and I’d like to surprise you with the rest of details should you decide to accept my invitation."
She happily accepted and he led her outside. She reacts, "Hey wait a minute! we’re at the bus stop!"