A blonde woman walks into a bank in NYC before going on vacation and asks for a $5,000 loan.
The banker asks, "Okay, miss, is there anything you would like to use as collateral?"
The woman says, "Yes, of course. I'll use my Rolls Royce."
The banker, stunned, asks, "A $250,000 Rolls Royce? Really?The woman is completely positive. She hands over the keys, as the bankers and loan officers laugh at her. They check her credentials, make sure she is the title owner. Everything checks out. They park it in their underground garage for two weeks.
When she comes back, she pays off the $5,000 loan as well as the $15.41 interest.
The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very appreciative of your business with us, but I have one question. We looked you up and found out that you are a multi-millionaire. Why would you want to borrow $5,000?"
The woman replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
An Investment Broker asked his client if he wanted to get a hot tip and the client naturally said, "yes."
"Well, we heard that Colonel Sanders is buying out Schick razor company," said the broker.
Client: "Are they going to change their name?"
Broker: "I heard that they were going to call it Chicken-Schick"
A businessman hailed a cab from his hotel and asked to be driven to the hospital about a mile away.
The cabby started driving but he was only going about 15 mph.
The passenger banged on the partition and said speed it up.
The cabby screamed hit the gas and plowed into a tree.
The passenger said what the heck is wrong with you?
This is my first day driving a cab.
I drove for a funeral home for 15 years and no one ever banged on my partition.
You scared the living-daylights out of me!
A boss was complaining in a staff meeting the other day that he wasn’t getting any respect.
Later that morning he went to a local sign shop and bought a small sign that read, “I’m the Boss”.
He then taped it to his office door.
Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said. “Your wife called, She wants her sign back!”