A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After the checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "If you don't do the following, your husband will soon have a nervous breakdown:
1. Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast.
2. Be pleasant and make sure he is in a good mood.
3. For lunch, make him a nutritious meal.
4. For dinner, prepare him something especially nice.
5. Don't burden him with chores as he probably had a hard day.
6. Don't discuss your problems with him.
7. And most importantly, keep him far away from your mother."
On the way home, the husband asked his wife what the doctor said to her. She replied, "He said you'll soon have a nervous breakdown."
A Veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor. The doctor asked her all the usual questions: what were the symptoms, how long had they been occurring, etc. Suddenly, she interrupted him, "Hey look, I'm a vet... I don't need to ask my patients these kind of questions. I can tell what's wrong just by looking." She smugly added, "Why can't you?"
The doctor nodded, stood back, looked her up and down, quickly wrote out a prescription, handed it to her and said, "There you are. Of course, if that doesn't work, we'll have to have you put to sleep."
A little boy goes to the doctor and tells him, "I'm smart Doc!"
The doctor says, "Really?" He then points to the boys foot and says, "What's that?"
"That's my foot."
"Very good," says the Doc. "What's that?" he asks, pointing to the boys knee.
"That's my knee."
"Now, what's that?" he asks, pointing to the boys elbow.
"Wow. How do you know all this stuff?"
" Kidneys Doc, kidneys," the boy says touching his head.