dumb criminals jokes

Category: "Dumb Criminals"
3 votes

(Dumb Criminal) Never pick the pocket of a guy wearing a wedding ring!

(Trainee) Why, because he’s a family man and needs the money?

(Dumb Criminal) No, because his wife already beat you to it.

3 votes
posted by "Marty" |
0 votes

An armed robber broke into a house and found a couple sitting at their dining room table. Pointing the gun, he said, "Let me know the names of my victims before I kill them".

Wife: My name is Eunice

Robber: Oh. My mother's name is Eunice. I can't kill you. (Pointing the guy to the man) And you ?

Husband: I'm Joseph, but all my friends call me Eunice.

0 votes
posted by "denastty" |
0 votes

Once upon a tie there were 3 prisoners about to be executed via firing squad and upon asking the first prisoner if they had anything left to say, he yelled, "Oh my God! Killer Bee swarms!" Everyone panicked and scattered and ran and that prisoner was able to escape.

After all the chaos calmed, they brought out the second prisoner. They did the same asking about last words, the prisoner yelled "Tsunami & Tornadoes!" Once again the crowd scattered and prisoner #2 escaped.

Now, everyone was reassembled and they brought out prisoner #3. Same practice once again. This time the prisoner yelled "FIRE!"

0 votes
posted by "zieglarnatta" |
0 votes

I had just pulled over someone for driving under the influence when another car pulled up behind us. I stopped what I was doing and ventured back to see if the driver needed assistance.

“No, I don’t need any help,” he said, reeking of booze. Then, pointing to the flashing cherry top on the roof of my cruiser, he continued, “I just stopped for the red light.”

0 votes
posted by "Pucks mom" |