A Sardar buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number.
The Sardar says, “I want my $20 million.”
The man replied, “No, Sir. It doesn’t work that way. We give you a million today and then you’ll get the rest spread out for the next 19 days.”
Sardar said, “Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it.”
Again, the man explained that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 days.
Sardar furious with the man, screams out, “Look, I want my money! if you’re not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my 1 dollar back!”
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.
The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, “Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. “I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.”
“The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I’d accumulated a fortune of $1.37.”
“Then my wife’s father died and left us two million dollars."
Gracie was driving down the road in her pickup truck when she spotted a blonde sitting in a canoe in the middle a corn field. She slammed on her brakes and swerved into the corn field.
Pulling up beside the blonde, she rolled down her window and shouted, "Hey! What do you think you're doing?!?"
The blonde in the canoe looked at her, confused and said, "Well, I'm just out enjoying the sun in my canoe."
Gracie was fuming. She yelled back, "Why are you out in the middle of the cornfield!?!"
"Well, it seemed like a great day to be in the wide open," the blonde replied.
"You know," Gracie said, "It's blondes like you that give blondes like me a bad name! If I could swim, I would come out there and kick your butt!"