"I`m ashamed of the way we live," wife said to her lazy husband, our Santa, who refused to find a job.
"My father pays our rent, my mother buys all of our food, my sister buys our clothes, my aunt bought us a car. I`m just so ashamed."
Santa rolled over on the couch. "You should be ashamed," he agreed. "Those two worthless brothers of yours never give us a thing!"
There are three men in the military practicing skydiving. The first man jumps out and a swiss army knife falls out of his pocket. The second man jumps out and a kitchen knife falls out of his pocket. The third jumps out and a grenade falls out of his pocket. When they land, they go and look for the things they drop because they could have really hurt someone.
The first man is running along the street and sees a little boy crying. "Little boy, why are you crying?" he asks. The boy says, "A swiss army knife fell out of the sky and killed my cat!"
The second man is running along a street and sees a little girl crying. "Little girl, why are you crying?" he asks. The girl says, "A big kitchen knife fell from the sky and killed my puppy!"
The third man is running down a street and sees a little boy laughing hysterically. "Little boy, why are you laughing?" he asks. The boy says, "My dad farted and the house blew up!"
Dad I think the Smiths next door are angry at us.” “Why is that?”
“They’re probably mad because our dog can retrieve the newspaper, and theirs can’t.” “How could you possibly know that? We don’t even subscribe to the paper.” “Yeah, that’s probably got something to do with it, too.”