Mary was almost crazy with her three kids. She complained to her best friend, "They're driving me nuts. Such pests, they give me no rest."
"What you need is a playpen to separate the kids from yourself," her friend said.
So Mary bought a playpen.
A few days later, her friend called to ask how things were going.
"Superb! I can't believe it," Mary said. "I get in that pen with a good book and the kids don't bother me one bit!"
A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana. As they approached the city of Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch.
At the counter, the husband asked the not-so-bright waitress, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?"
She leaned over the counter and said, "Burrr-gerrr Kiiing."
Little Tony was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her, "Grandma, what is it called when 2 people are sleeping in the same room and one is on top of the other?"
She was a little taken aback, but decided to tell him the truth. "It's called sexual intercourse, darling."
Little Tony just said, "Oh, OK" and went back outside to the other kids. A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, "Grandma, it is not called sexual intercourse! It's called Bunk Beds! And Jimmy's Mom wants to talk to you right now."
Prince Charles was walking past a cheering crowd when he spotted a woman holding two babies and surrounded by five pre-teenagers. "Well," says the Prince, "You have a handful. Do you have any other children?"
"Yes, there are seven more at home"
"Your husband deserves a knighthood," said Prince Charles.
The mother replied, "He has plenty of night-hoods, but he refuses to wear them."