TO MY WIFE: My overdraft at the bank. Maybe she can explain it.
TO MY BANKER: My soul. He has the mortgage on it anyway.
TO MY NEIGHBOR: My clown suit. He'll need it if he continues to farm as he has in the past.
TO THE ASCS: My grain bin. I was planning to let them take it next year anyway.
TO THE FARM ADVISER: 50 bushels of corn to see if he can hit the market. I never did.
TO THE JUNK MAN: All my machinery. He's had his eye on it for years.
TO MY UNDERTAKER: A special request. I want six implement and fertilizer dealers for my pallbearers. They're used to carrying me.
TO THE WEATHERMAN: Rain, sleet and snow for the funeral please. No sense having good weather now.
TO THE GRAVEDIGGER: Don't bother. The hole I'm in should be big enough.
TO THE MONUMENT MAKER: For the epitaph: "Here lies a farmer who has now properly assumed all of his obligations."
A farmer and his recently hired hand were eating an early breakfast of biscuits and gravy, scrambled eggs, bacon and coffee that the farmer's wife had prepared for them. Thinking of all the work they had to get done that day, the farmer told the hired man he might as well go ahead and eat his lunch too.
The hired man didn't say a word, but filled his plate a second time and proceeded to eat. After awhile the farmer said, "We've got so much work to do today, you might as well eat your supper now too."
Again, the hired man didn't respond but refilled his plate a third time and continued to eat. Finally, after eating his third plate of food, the hired man pushed back his chair and began to take off his shoes.
"What are you doing"? the farmer asked.
The hired man replied, "I don't work after supper."
A farmer lived on a quiet rural highway. But a new expressway bypass meant an alarming increase in traffic. In fact, it was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three a day.
So he called the sheriff's office and said, "You've got to do something about these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens."
So the next day the sheriff went out and put up a sign that read "SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING"
Three days later the farmer called again and said, "You've got to do something about these drivers. The School Crossing sign seems to make them go faster."
So, again, the sheriff went out and put up a new sign "SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY"
No good. So the farmer calls again...and again, every day for three weeks, but the sheriff just doesn't have time to put up signs every week. Finally, the farmer calls and says he’s taken care of the problem.
The sheriff is curious to see how. So he drives out to the farmer's house, and there on the edge of the road he sees a new sign. It's a whole sheet of plywood. And written in large yellow letters are the words "SLOW: NUDIST COLONY"