holiday jokes

Category: "Holiday Jokes"
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Twas the night before Christmas, in Texas you know, Way out on the prairie, without any snow.
Asleep in their cabin, were Buddy and Sue, A'dreaming of Christmas, like me and like you.

Not stockings but boots, at the foot of their beds, For this was Texas, What more need be said?
When all of a sudden from out the still night, There came such a ruckus, it gave me a fright!

And I saw cross the prairie, like the shot from a gun, A loaded up buckboard, Come on at a run.
The driver was whistling and shouting with a will, The horses (not reindeer) he drove with such skill.

"Come on there Buck, Poncho, and Prince, to the right", There'll be plenty of travelin' for you-all tonight.
The driver in his Levis, and a shirt that was red, Had a 10-gallon Stetson on the top of his head.

As he stepped from the buckboard, he was really a sight, With his beard so curly and white.
As he burst in the cabin, the children awoke, And both so astonished, that neither one spoke.

And he filled up their boots with such presents galore, That neither could think of a single thing more.
When Buddy recovered the use of his jaws, He asked in a whisper, "Are you really Santa Claus?"

"Am I the real Santa? Well, what do you think? And he smiled as he gave his mysterious wink.
Then he left in his buckboard, and called back in a drawl, TO ALL CHILDREN OF TEXAS, MERRY CHRISTMAS YEE HAW!

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posted by "wadejagz" |
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Looking in the mall for a cotton nightgown, I tried my luck in a store known for its hot lingerie. To my delight, however, I found just what I was looking for.

Waiting in the line to pay, I noticed a young woman behind me holding the same nightgown. This confirmed what I suspected all along, that despite being over 50, I still have a very "with it" attitude.

"I see we have the same taste," I said proudly to the 20 something behind me.

"Yes," she replied. "I'm getting this for my grandmother for Christmas."

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posted by "HENNE" |
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Christmas is a weird holiday. What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?

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posted by "wadejagz" |
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~ Claim you were a Christmas tree in your former life. If s/he tries to bring one into the room, scream bloody murder.

~ Go to the mall with your roommate and sit on Santa's lap. Refuse to get off.

~ Paint your nose red and wear antlers. Constantly complain about how you never get to join in on the games.

~ Make conversation out of Christmas Carols. (e.g., "You know, I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus underneath the mistletoe last night.")

~ Sing: "All I want for Christmas is my roommate's two front teeth..."

~ Give your roommate the gifts from the twelve days of Christmas song.

~ Build a snowperson with your roommate and place a hat on its head. When it doesn't come to life, cry hysterically, "It didn't work!"

~ Ring jingle bells maniacally saying, "Every time a bell rings an angel gets his wings!"

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posted by "wadejagz" |