A lawyer is walking along the beach and spots a glass bottle in the sand. When he opens it he discovers a genie inside.
Genie: Sir, I will grant you three wishes, but you must understand that whatever you wish for, every other lawyer in the world will get double.
Man: Hmmm. Okay. First I'd like $100 million.
Genie: No problem, but just understand that each lawyer got $200 million.
Man: I understand. For my second wish, I'd like a new Porsche. In red, please.
Genie: Fine. It is in your garage. And just FYI, every lawyer in the world just got two of the same.
Man: That's okay with me.
Genie: And for your third wish?
Man: Well, I always did want to donate a kidney . . .
Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers.
"So," he said, "I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe."
Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably. "You, attorney Leon, gave me $15,000. And you, attorney Campos, gave me $10,000."
The judge reached into his pocket and pulled out a check. He handed it to Leon. "Now then, I'm returning $5,000, and we're going to decide this case solely on its merits!"
A man boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a stewardess to take care of them for him.
She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator. He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.
Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior. Shortly before landing in New York, she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs in New Orleans, please raise your hand."
Not one hand went up . . . . so she took them home and ate them.