At dinner with friends and family Johnny was asked to say the prayer. "But I don't know how to pray," he replied.
"Just pray for your family, friends and neighbors, the poor, etc," said his father.
"Okay," the boy said.
"Dear Lord,.. Thank you for our visitors and their children, who finished all my cookies and ice cream. Bless them so they won't come again. Forgive our neighbors son, who removed my sister's clothes and wrestled with her on the bed. This coming Christmas, please send clothes to all those poor ladies on my Daddy's Blackberry who do not have any clothes. And provide shelter for the homeless man who uses Mom's room when Daddy is at work....AMEN"
Dinner was cancelled.
A preacher was looking for a good used lawnmower one day. He found one at a yard sale that Little Johnny happened to be manning.
"This mower work, son?" the preacher asked.
Little Johnny said, "Sure does, just pull on the cord hard, though."
The preacher took the mower home and when he got ready to mow he yanked and pulled and tugged on that cord. Nothing worked. It wouldn't start.
Thinking he'd been swindled, he took the mower back to Little Johnny's house. "You said this would work if I pulled on the cord hard enough."
"Well," Johnny said, "you need to curse at it sometimes."
The preacher was aghast. "I've not done that in years!"
"Just keep yanking on that cord, Preacher. It'll come back to you."
Little Johnny runs to his dad and says, "Dad, there's water in the carburetor of the car!"
"How can you be so sure?" the father asks.
"I just know there is," replies Little Johnny.
"Do you even know what a carburetor is?"
"No," says Little Johnny.
"OK, where is the car?"
"In the lake."
Little Johnny is riding in the car with his mom.
Little Johnny: Mommy, why is there a deer lying down on the side of the road?
Mommy: He's sleeping.
Little Johnny: Why on the side of the road?
Mommy: He likes the sound of the cars driving by, it's very soothing.