There's this 'not-so-bright' young woman out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another woman on the opposite bank.
"Yoo-hoo" she shouts, "how can I get to the other side?"
The second woman looks up the river, then down the river, then shouts back, "You are on the other side."
An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel and came upon a casket containing a mummy. After examining it, he called the curator of a prestigious natural history museum.
"I've just discovered a 3,000 year old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!" the excited scientist exclaimed.
To which the curator replied, "Bring him in. We'll check it out."
A week later, the amazed curator called the archaeologist. "You were right about the mummy's age and cause of death. How in the world did you know?"
"Simple, there was a piece of paper in his hand that said, 'Put me down for 10,000 Shekels on Goliath.'"
A married couple were vacationing in Hawaii and disagreed on the correct pronunciation of the state name. He said it was Hawaii and his wife said it was Havaii.
They stopped a man on the street to ask his opinion. He said the correct pronunciation was Havaii. The man's wife was delighted and thanked the man.
The man said, "You're velcome."