misc jokes

Category: "Misc Jokes"
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Two scouts were making a lot of noise on a field trip. The scout master asked them to "please not yell" and to "go find firewood".

One scout turned to the other and said, "I’ve heard of this before, something about 'talk softly and carry a big stick!'"

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posted by "Marty" |
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Nostradamus made note that his prophesies came to him in bilateral form. He would first imagine the future in written word followed by visuals of the event some time after. Recently in France a secret chamber was discovered in the former residence of Nostradamus, proving his bilateral claim to be true.

Researchers found a waste paper basket with a single wad of paper in it which read:
There will be three beloved men who will come to power in the same century. These men will be called Chuck E Cheese, Ronald MacDonald and some guy named Jack.

Apparently after receiving the visuals, he decided to scrap this particular prophecy.

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posted by "Marty" |
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I finally realized that I needed to get in shape, so I made plans to join a club and work out for one full year.

The year I picked is 2023.

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posted by "Alan Valentine" |
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I was checking out at the busy super market, and the cashier was having problems. The register ran out of paper, the scanner malfunctioned, and finally the cashier spilled a handful of coins. When she totaled my order, it came to exactly $22.

Trying to soothe her nerves, I said, "That's a nice round figure."

Still frazzled, she glared at me and said, "You're no bean pole yourself."

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posted by "wadejagz" |