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As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, but only to discover that she couldn't.

With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.

After becoming quite frustrated and embarrassed, she once again attempted to unzip her skirt more in order to allow more leg room to get on the first step of the bus.

About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus,

She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!"

The Texan smiled and drawled "Well ma'am, normally I would agree with you but after you unzipped my fly three times I kinda figured we were friends."

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posted by "HENNE" |
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Two friends ran into each other at Starbucks the other day and got to talking about what was new.

Sally said, "I'm thinking of starting an OCD support group at my house."

Rhonda answered, "Really? I didn't know you had an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder."

Sally said, "I don't , I just want to get my house cleaned."

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posted by "LHP Debbie" |
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Two dumb fishermen are in a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A game warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, I'd like to see your fishing licenses."

"We don't have any." replied the first fishermen.

"Well, if you're going to fish, you need fishing licenses." said the game warden.

"But officer," replied the second fishermen, "we aren't fishing. All we have are magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the bottom of the river."

The game warden lifted up the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. "Well, I know of no law against it," shrugged the game warden, "take all the debris you want." And with that, the game warden left.

As soon as he was out of sight, the fishermen started laughing hysterically. "What a dumb Fish Cop! Doesn't he know that there are steelheads in this river?!"

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posted by "GJ Winkler" |
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I have this friend. His name is Sam Katz.

One day he bragged to me that, "Everyone knows Sam Katz!"

I said, "You don't know the president of the United States." He said , "Let's go to the White House and I'll prove it."

So we went to the White House and Barack Obama greeted him and said to him, "Hey Sam Katz! How are you doing?"

After all the greetings I said, "You don't know Queen Elizabeth."

He said, "Let's go to Buckingham Palace and I'll prove it."

So we go there and the Queen says "Sam Katz, so good to see you again!"

After the greetings I said to him, "Okay. One last person, you don't know the pope."

He said, "Let's go to the Vatican and you wait outside and we'll come outside by the window and wave to you."

So that's exactly what we do. The next thing I do is faint.

My friend asked me, "What happened to you? I tell him, "It was one thing when you knew the president. It was another thing when you knew the queen. But when you came out with the pope by the window, and the guy next to me asked, "Who's the guy with Sam Katz?" I completely lost it.

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posted by "D-Gellybean" |
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