A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knew it, the bridge was right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars were backed up for miles.
Finally a police car came pulling up to the scene. The cop got out of his car and walked to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?'
The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.'
A traffic cop stopped a woman for a minor traffic violation. After examining her driver's license in silence for a moment, he said, "You know something? This is one of the finest, most realistic pictures I've ever seen. I'm glad to see you aren't one of those vain women who have their photos retouched to remove all the lines in their face."
"Sir," she replied icily, "you are looking at my thumb-print."
A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube."
The man says, "Sorry officer I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I'll have a really bad asthma attack."
"Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample."
I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death."
"Well, then we need a urine sample."
"I'm sorry officer I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I'll get really low blood sugar."
"Alright then I need you to come out here and walk this white line."
"I can't do that, officer."
"Because I'm drunk."
The phone rings at FBI headquarters. "Hello?"
"Hello, is this FBI?"
"Yes. What do you want?"
"I'm calling to report my neighbor Bill Brown as a drug dealer. He is hiding drugs in his firewood."
"We will check it out."
Next day, the FBI come over to Brown's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece of wood, find no drugs, and leave. The phone rings at Brown's house. "Hello, Bill! Did the FBI come?"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yes, they did."
"Okay, now it's your turn to call. I need my vegetable garden plowed up."