Q. What did it mean when the vampire saw himself in the mirror?
A. It meant he died.
Q. So how did the vampire die?
A. He accidentally ordered “stake” and eggs at the silver bullet cafe.
Q. So where do vampires go when they die?
A. Actually they reincarnate and go to work for the government.
Ronald and Hillary, opposing candidates for the upcoming local PTA (Parent-Teacher Association) elections, walk into a donut shop for a quick snack. As soon as Hillary gets to the front of the line, she shoves 3 donuts into her pockets.
Ronald says, "Really? You have to steal the donuts?"
Hillary replies, "I shouldn't have to pay for them since i will be the next PTA President!"
Ronald says, "Watch, I will get 3 for free by asking!" When he gets to the front of the line, he asks the clerk, "If i show you a magic trick, can i have 3 donuts for free?"
"Sure," replied the clerk.
So Ronald eats the first donut. "Mmmm, that was tasty." Then he eats the second and third donuts, "Mmmmm, they were just as good as the first!"
The clerk replied, "Where was the magic trick?"
Then Ronald replies, "Poof! Now look in Hillary's pockets!"
A couple’s only daughter had just graduated from law school. Her parents were very surprised to find out she had recently become engaged to a man they had never met. The daughter also announced that she’d be bringing her fiancee over to meet them that evening.
The moment the parents opened front door to greet them the warm welcoming smiles on faces of both parents completely vanished. Their open happy expressions were instantly replaced by a look not far from shock.
The young man in their doorway had an athletic build, chiseled features with a picture perfect bright smile! He was wearing a silk tie a tailored suite along with expensive Italian shoes. He didn’t have one hair out of place on his head and when he spoke his deep confident voice was absolutely mesmerizing. His charismatic presence seemed to command respect and admiration though his demeanor was open and friendly.
By this time both of the parents were visibly shaken making this quite an awkward moment for all concerned. Silently wincing the mother almost broke out in tears as she shook the young mans firm yet warm gentle hand.
Only able to make partial eye contact and with a slight tremble in his voice the father hesitantly asked the young man what he did for a living. The young man replied: I’m a used car salesman!
A huge sigh of relief came over both parents as they instantly resurrected their welcoming smiles once again. The father said we’re so happy to hear that son, for a moment there we thought you might be a politician.