Category: Miscellaneous Jokes



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Ranking: 2.77 / 69
What time does the library open? The voice on the phone asked. “Nine A.M.” came the reply. And what is the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask such a question? Asked the librarian “Not until nine A.M.?” the man asked in a disappointed voice. “No, not till nine A.M..!” the librarian said, “Why do you want to get in before nine A.M.?” “Who said I wanted to get in? The man sighed sadly. “I want to get out.”
#18238    
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:Jul/27/2007    pub.:Jul/27/2007    sent:Aug/2/2007


Ranking: 3.29 / 35
A city slicker moves to the country and decides he's going to take up farming. He heads to the local co-op and tells the man, "Give me 100 baby chickens." The co-op man complies. A week later the man returns and says, "Give me 200 baby chickens." The co-op man complies. Again, a week later the man returns. This time he says, "Give me 500 baby chickens." "Wow!" the co-op man replies. "You must really be doing well!" "Naw," said the man with a sigh. "I'm either planting them too deep or too far apart!"
#1062    
Thanks to: Curt R.
rec.:Jun/19/2001    pub.:Jun/19/2001    sent:Jun/19/2001


Ranking: 3.43 / 30
A man purchased a brand new $350,000.00 Lamborghini sports car. He took it out on the expressway to see just how fast his car would travel. The man accelerated past 100 mph and then an old man on a moped passed him up like he was standing still. The man in the sports car was amazed at the feat and accelerated so quickly he passed the old man on his moped like he was standing still too. Then as quickly as the man in his sports car passed the old man on his moped, the old man passed him up again just as quickly. The man in the sports car felt so intimidated that he accelerated as fast as he could and passed up the old man on the moped again. The old man on his moped once again passed up the sports car. Finally the man in his sports car could not believe his eyes, so he got past the old man on the moped and pulled over to the side of the expressway. The old man on the moped pulled over too. The man in the sports car got out and ran over to the old man on the moped and asked "How in the world could you get that moped to go near as fast as my new $350,000.00 sports car?" The old man on the moped was huffing and puffing and trying to catch his breath. He looked up and said "Mr., I'm so glad you pulled over because for the last 10 minutes my suspenders have been hooked on to the rear of your' bumper!" 
#606    
Thanks to: Ronald M. Blair - Michigan - Oakland
rec.:Mar/8/2000    pub.:Mar/8/2000    sent:Mar/8/2000


Ranking: 3.02 / 47
An elderly man gathered together 3 of his most trusted friends, a doctor, a lawyer, and a priest. He said to his friends, "Now, I know I can't take it with me when I die but I'd like to try." He handed each of them an envelope each containing $10,000,000 in cash. "I'd like each of you to throw the envelopes into the grave after they put me in," he said. The 3 looked at each other and agreed to the elderly man's final wishes. The elderly man soon dies and when he is lowered to his grave, friends throw in the envelope and the elderly man is buried with them. On the way back to the cars the doctor says, "I have a confession. I was thinking last night about the children's recovery program I'm getting off the ground and $10,000,000 would have been a great start to the program's funding. I figured I would put the money to good use rather than have it buried 6 feet underground." The lawyer went nuts telling him that going against the elderly man's will is a huge crime. Then the priest also confessed, "I also thought I'd put the money to good use. The mission’s fund the church is trying to put together has received little contribution. $10,000,000 would be a huge boost to the fund." The lawyer was absolutely outraged talking about how they could both end up in jail. He said, "You should've done what I did. The money he gave me is being kept in my safe at home. I wrote a check for $10,000,000 and put that in the envelope and that's what is in the grave!"
#13638    
Thanks to: David Hepinstall - USA.
rec.:Jun/27/2004    pub.:Jul/30/2004    sent:Nov/16/2004


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