Category: Miscellaneous Jokes

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Ranking: 3.02 / 47
An elderly man gathered together 3 of his most trusted friends, a doctor, a lawyer, and a priest. He said to his friends, "Now, I know I can't take it with me when I die but I'd like to try." He handed each of them an envelope each containing $10,000,000 in cash. "I'd like each of you to throw the envelopes into the grave after they put me in," he said. The 3 looked at each other and agreed to the elderly man's final wishes. The elderly man soon dies and when he is lowered to his grave, friends throw in the envelope and the elderly man is buried with them. On the way back to the cars the doctor says, "I have a confession. I was thinking last night about the children's recovery program I'm getting off the ground and $10,000,000 would have been a great start to the program's funding. I figured I would put the money to good use rather than have it buried 6 feet underground." The lawyer went nuts telling him that going against the elderly man's will is a huge crime. Then the priest also confessed, "I also thought I'd put the money to good use. The mission’s fund the church is trying to put together has received little contribution. $10,000,000 would be a huge boost to the fund." The lawyer was absolutely outraged talking about how they could both end up in jail. He said, "You should've done what I did. The money he gave me is being kept in my safe at home. I wrote a check for $10,000,000 and put that in the envelope and that's what is in the grave!"
Thanks to: David Hepinstall - USA.
rec.:Jun/27/2004    pub.:Jul/30/2004    sent:Nov/16/2004

Ranking: 2.76 / 67
What time does the library open? The voice on the phone asked. “Nine A.M.” came the reply. And what is the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask such a question? Asked the librarian “Not until nine A.M.?” the man asked in a disappointed voice. “No, not till nine A.M..!” the librarian said, “Why do you want to get in before nine A.M.?” “Who said I wanted to get in? The man sighed sadly. “I want to get out.”
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:Jul/27/2007    pub.:Jul/27/2007    sent:Aug/2/2007

Ranking: 2.91 / 54
Scientist revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, they fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100 percent of them gained weight, talked incessantly without making sense, and couldn’t drive.
“No further testing is planned.
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:Dec/11/2003    pub.:Dec/11/2003    sent:Jul/9/2004

Ranking: 2.86 / 57
A man asked the barber “How much for a haircut?”
“$5.50.” said the barber.
“And how much for a shave?”
“$3.00 sir.”
“Very well, shave my head.”
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:May/11/2004    pub.:May/11/2004    sent:Jul/22/2004

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