Yo' momma so ugly - when you was born you tried to crawl back in!!!

What's the difference between the Army and the Boy Scouts?

The Boy Scouts don't have heavy artillery!

One Friday afternoon, a man walks up to an ATM machine to deposit his check. Upon his turn, the ATM shuts down for repairs so the man walks into the bank. Inside the bank, there are about 30 people inside waiting to make transactions and the line is moving really, really slow.

The man gets impatient, sigh loudly, tapping his foot and making comments aloud. All of a sudden the man behind him reaches up and begins to massages his shoulders.

1st man - HEY! What are you doing?!?!
2nd man - Well sir, I'm a masseuse and you look a little tense so I thought I'd help you out with a massage!
1st man - Well, that's just great buddy. I'm a lawyer - you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me, do ya?