A hog farmer decided to give names to his new piglets. Two of them were always getting into mischief.

His wife asked what names he was giving this pair.

He answered sharply, "Hamfull and Mayham!"

On a plane, a passenger noticed that the very elderly lady across the aisle was not wearing her shoes.

"Where are your shoes?" she inquired of the woman.

The lady replied, "A nice young lady told me I had to take them off for some kind of inspection. I waited but she never told me I could put them back on."

Two girls were watching guys who were arriving at their favorite bar. "Who's that really cute guy?" one of them asked.

"Oh, that guy is a loser, he's always bouncing around between girls," says the second girl.

"Just tell me his name," the 1st girl suggests.

"Rick O'Shay," says the 2nd girl.

What might you call a small, puny chicken?

Paltry!