What's the difference between an American student and an English student?

"About 3,000 miles!"

Reporter: What made you go out on that dangerous pond ice and risk your life to save a friend?

Boy: I had to do it. He had my skates on.

Patient: Doctor, Doctor! I feel like a racehorse.

Doctor: Take one of these pills every 4 laps.

Me: Doctor, Doctor my sister thinks she is a lift!

Doctor: Well tell her to come in.

Me: I cant! She doesn't stop at this floor.