Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!

Sergeant at Police Station:
What is her height?

Husband:
Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sergeant:
Weight?

Husband:
Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sergeant:
Color of eyes?

Husband:
Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed.

Sergeant:
Color of hair?

Husband:
Change a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can’t remember.

Sergeant:
What was she wearing?

Husband:
Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly.

Sergeant:
What kind of car did she go in?

Husband:
She went in my truck.

Sergeant:
What kind of truck was it?

Husband:
A 2015 Ford F150 King Ranch 4X4 with eco-boost 5.0L V8 engine special ordered with manual transmission and climate controlled air
conditioning. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed, which has a matching aftermarket bed liner. Custom leather 6-way seats and "Bubba" floor mats. Trail-ring package with gold hitch and special wiring hook-ups. DVD with full GPS navigation, satellite radio receiver, 23-channel CB radio, six cup holders, a USB port, and four power outlets. I added special alloy wheels and off-road Michelin's. It has custom running boards and indirect wheel well lighting.

At this point the husband started choking up...

Sergeant:
Don't worry buddy. We'll find your truck.

A foreign correspondent, did a feature story in a country in the Middle East, several years ago and before their was conflict there. She noted women walked five paces behind their husbands.

She recently returned and observed that women still walk behind their husbands. Despite the overthrow of the old regime, the women now seem happy to maintain the old custom.

She approached one of the women and asked, "Why do you now seem happy with an old custom that you once tried so desperately to change?"

'The woman looked her straight in the eye, and without hesitation said, "Land mines."

Moral is, no matter what language you speak or where you go... Behind every man, there's a smart woman!

The chief of staff of the Air Force decided that he would personally intervene in a recruiting crisis affecting all of our armed services. So he directed that a nearby Air Force base be opened and that all eligible young men and women be invited. As he and his staff were standing near a brand new F-15 Fighter, a pair of twin brothers who looked like they had just stepped off a Marine Corps recruiting poster walked up to them.The chief of staff walked up to them, stuck out his hand and introduced himself. He looked at the first young man and asked, "Son, what skills can you bring to the Air Force?"

The young man looks at him and says, "I'm a pilot!"

The general turns to his aide and says, "Sign him up -- all the paper work done, everything, do it today!" The aide hustles the young man off. The general looks at the second young man and asked, "What skills can you bring to the Air Force?"

The young man says, "I chop wood!"

"Son," the general replies, "We don't need wood choppers in the Air Force. What else do you know how to do?"

"I chop wood!" the young man repeats.

The general huffs, "You are not listening to me. We don't need wood choppers; this is the 21st century!"

"Well," the young man says, "you hired my brother."

"Of course we did," says the general, "But he's a pilot!"

The young man rolls his eyes and says, "I have to CHOP it before he can pile it!"

Mary, Anna, and Tess died and went to heaven. God warned them, "Do whatever you want, but don't step on the pink clouds." One day, Mary decided to go for a walk. When she came back, there was an ugly man next to her. Anna and Tess asked, "Where'd you get that ugly man?"

"I stepped on a pink cloud." The next day, Anna decided to go for a walk. When she came back, there was an ugly man next to her. Mary and Tess asked, "Where'd you get that ugly man?" "I stepped on a pink cloud."

The next day Tess decided to go for a walk. When she came back, there was a cute man standing next to her. Mary and Anna asked, "Where'd you get that cute man?"

The man said, "I stepped on a pink cloud."