One day at a local clinic, the doctor is outraged to see that he has no patients to examine. So he called his assistant to ask what happened.
His assistant replied, "I asked the patients if they are feeling okay, and they said 'no', so I told them to go home and get plenty of rest!"
Patient to psychiatrist: "I have this fear of being in tight, enclosed places."
Psychiatrist: "That's a very common disorder. Lots of people have the same problem."
Patient: "It's a little bit more complicated than that. I have an abnormal fear of being in an elevator with a bunch of department store Santa's."
Psychiatrist: "Take a couple of these pills and call me in the morning. You have an acute case of CLAUStrophopia."