A long time drunk was lying in his hospital bed, still groggy from the effects of his recent operation. His doctor came in looking very glum.
"I can't be sure what's wrong with you," the doctor said. "I think it's the drinking."
"All right," said the patient. "Can we get an opinion from a doctor who's sober?"

"You know you are getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down there."