Why are cats so bad at video games?

Because they can only press paws.

A guy and his wife find an S & M magazine under their son's bed.
Mom says "This is horrible, what should we do?"
Dad goes, "Well we can't spank him!"

Two men were walking down the street when they saw a dog licking himself.
One man said "I wish I could do that."
The other man said "you should probably just pet him first."