Interviewer: "Congratulations on winning the lottery."
Farmer: "Thank you."
Interviewer: "Do you have any special plans for spending all of that money?"
Farmer: "Nope. Not really. I'm just gonna keep farming until the lottery money is all gone."
If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.
Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually the beginning of the next group of three.
No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.
When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls.
A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponents luck.
Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.
You can put "draw" on the ball, you can put "fade" on the ball, but no golfer can put "straight" on the ball.
Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.
Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog, Skipper, had recently died.
"You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad. Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God."
Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?"
After a lengthy conference with the estranged husband, the lawyer reported to his client.
"Mrs. LaMay, I have succeeded in making a settlement with your husband that is eminently fair to both of you."
"Fair to both?!?" exploded Mrs. LaMay. "I could have done that myself! What's the point of hiring a lawyer for then?"