I'm changing my name to "Everyday"...

Because that's what the people I owe money to call me.

Two Aussie men are standing at the top of a cliff. One has two budgies (a small parrot native to Australia), one on each shoulder. The other has a parrot and a shotgun.

The first guy jumps off the cliff and on the way down the birds fly away. He crashes on the rocks below and rolls over on his back. He looks up just in time to see his friend jump off too.

As the second guy falls the & parrot flies off, he pulls up his shot gun and shoots the bird just before he too crashes onto the rocks.

They lie there groaning in agony for a bit before the first guy says, “I really don’t see what is supposed to be so great about budgie jumping!”

The second guy lets out a groan and says, “I’m really not too impressed with free-fall parrot shooting either!”

Marine biology researchers have developed a new method to fend off shark attacks.

If you are diving and are approached by a shark, they recommend that you swim towards it aggressively and punch it in the nose as hard as possible.

If this doesn't work, beat the shark with your stump.

I learned from being around my family that duct tape can't fix stupid.

But it sure can muffle the sound!