"I get the feeling I'm going to get my old boss back again."

"I thought your old boss died?"

"He did die... and the company's going to the same place that he did!"

What do you call a nervous javelin thrower?

Shakespeare.

My wife called. She said, "The two kids want you to take them bowling on Saturday, then afterwards they want you to take them to the cinema."

"It's either one or the other," I said. "Otherwise it's too expensive."

"OK" she replied. "Which one do you prefer?"

I said, "David!"