Sometime around two in the morning our phone rang, waking us out of a sound sleep. "Wrong number," my husband growled and slammed down the receiver.

A few minutes later it rang again. I heard him say, "One with pepperoni and extra cheese and one with sausage. Pick up in 20 minutes."

"What was that?" I asked.

"I took his order. Now we can sleep."

Being the office supervisor, I had to have a word with a new employee who never arrived at work on time. I explained that her tardiness was unacceptable and that other employees had noticed that she was walking in late every day. After listening to my complaints, she agreed that this was a problem and even offered a solution.

"Is there another door I could use?"

My friend is notorious for waiting until the needle is on empty before filling his gas tank. Finally his car died on him, and we had to push it to the nearest filling station. After my friend finished pumping gas, the attendant asked if he had learned anything.

“Yeah,” my friend muttered, “I learned I have a 15-gallon tank.”

There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were all a bunch of copycats.