The guy sat next to me on the train pulled out a photo of his wife and said, "She’s beautiful, isn’t she?"
I said, "If you think she’s beautiful, you should see my girlfriend mate!"
He said, "Why? Is she a stunner?"
I said, "No, she’s an optician!"
The warehouse foreman walked up on a worker and caught him napping.
"Hey!" the foreman shouted. "Why aren't you working?"
"Because I didn't see you coming."
I dreamt I was drowning in an ocean made out of orange soda last night...
It took me a while to work out it was just a Fanta-sea.
"I'll have an H2O," says the first.
"I'll have an H2O too," says the second.
The second man dies.