My sister has been divorced 3 times and is in a new relationship, so her attorney gave her a reward card.

The next divorce is on the house.

Lately my wife has been telling me, when she gets out of bed, she has a headache...

Maybe I should tell her to get out of bed feet first.

I just love it when you are at a play or movie theater and they make the announcement, "Please silence your cell phones..."

Why do they have to announce that?

I mean how many people are carrying around a landline phone?